So Near yet So Far

There's still 3 weeks till I ORD, but still kana arrow shit, make me stay back till so late today.
Basket. As far as I'm concerned, there's no such thing as ORD mood k??
My replacement still haven't come, so I still gotta do my work, with more to come in the foreseeable 3 weeks. Kaoz. Dun later they say cancel my leave so that I go back office to 'teach' my replacement the things he gotta do.
Anyway, today me & Leroy kana called up by Big Boss to his office. At first thought he overheard us making fun of him, so kana called up to spank our butts or something. Turned out that he wanted us to get some weird software from some office up at MINDEF and then use it to design some super big flowchart for him. We were like, erm, heard of powerpoint??
But anyway he's the Man, and given his grand ideas I don't think even Bill Gates and powerpoint can come up with (more like can't be bothered with this type of shit), we suck thumb la. Then turn out that this software is some 'secret', for war type of software (sia la, they won't send snipers here cos I write this shit rite?), so very special.
Then after that, Big Boss presented to us what we gotta do. Wah lao eh, he like wanna do some school project liddat - boxes here there lines everywhere, need us to use the software to draw them out. Oh, I didn't know drawing boxes can win war sia. Must be really 3G SAF sia.
So me and Leroy took turns to use the stupid software la. Then kaoz, the software no help manual, go online, cos its a 'secret' software, so no online support. How to Use??? Then we press here click there still same blank screen until we so du lan. Then later Big Boss drop by say "So how?" Then we "Like that la. Stuck" He see we bloody hell, still blank screen, so he took over play for a while. Wah kaoz, then really got something. "See? Like that la. I so long never use, almost forget already. But lucky still remember how to do basic things. But TOO BAD I'm the boss la. So... Do a Good Job!!" Then he walk away liao. Me & Leroy just sit there o_O" & -_-".
Boss, you so good you do la.
Then the whole afternoon he keep calling the 2 of us to pass us new flow charts to add on, like we so damn free liddat. And while we using the stupid program, it also turns out the software DOES NOT recognise functions like UNDO, COPY, PASTE etc. WTF. Especially the Undo function. The creators of this program is full of shit man. The Rich only know how to sit there and mock us eh??
So suck thumb still do la. In the end finish liao already 7. Kaoz.
I ORD like no ORD like that.

Audition

Went for a Job interview today. (Not wat u thinking, Leroy.)
Xianz, gonna ORD soon, so must plan abit for the future. Actually its damn sad la. People like me happy-go-lucky, dun really think much about the future. The only future I ever thot about is what happens tomorrow. And talking about that, there's no soccer tomorrow. Shit.
Anyway, it wasn't really an interview la. Just went there, had a few words with the person-in-charge, complete some form and then can liao. I'm hired. Cos the person-in-charge is my mom's fren, so rub shoulder abit la. No, I didn't literally rub her shoulders. She's 40 man!
Then later went down to meet Leroy, Rich, Jiahui & Shuhui for dinner at Cartel @ PS. I forgot wat I ordered la, but i know its some chicken. Then turn out to be just a gigantic piece of KFC. 90% flour 10% meat ya know. Eat liao also cao er (damn gross). Then after that went TCC to sit down talk cock. Talk until all 3 of them can't stand me and leroy's cockiness (cockiness = full of crap, not haolian) then decide to go walk walk in PS.
Found out that they were holding the Glamour Quest finals there. Wah Kaoz. CMI sia. I think the only criteria for qualifying is the height sia. The standard so bad I think even Weak Boy take part also can win. Then plus the Emcees CMI also. Like the music louder than them. I think even those Xiao Bu's (Crazy Girls) screaming louder than them sia. And dunno those xiao bus scream for wat. Got cockroach issit?? Scarcely later they suddenly scream then the contestant cat walk halfway stun tio then trip and fall how??
We had enough of those screaming so zhao liao. Go home. On the MRT I met Iskandar. The MAN who was the TOP Graduate of the Sandhurst course. He appeared on Newspapers front page a few weeks ago. So talk to him realised he changed liao. Not as crappy as last time. (Read: Not as crappy as me) Then now he so famous until the NUS Mech Engineering Dean (some Prof) invite him for Tea tomorrow to try and convince him to join Mech Engineering sia. Wah Kaoz. Then basket, he still say he'll put in a good word for me tomorrow. (I'll be in Mech Engineering too, see??) Then I told him," I not like you appear in front page. Unless I go streaking down Orchard Road naked or something." Then he say I still full of crap.
No la, I told him. I never sign on, unlike him, so how to be COLONEL?

Hot Shots

Got to go to Asian Aerospace 06 at Changi today.
Our boss say since we NSFs work so hard for C4I, so as a reward, he ask us to go to the aerospace and "enjoy" ourselves. Wah, but dunno whether this considered an "off" or not. I'll rather get an off than go all the way to changi and see some airshow. Shit, does this mean we get no off??
Anyway, we made our way to the airshow in the morning la, cos we trying to catch the aerial display which is at 1130. So u see 5 other NSFs squeeze into Joel's car like some Gay road trip. Kaoz. Lucky the SUV is big enough. Then we park at Expo so can catch a shuttle bus to the actual place. Then basket, shuttle bus also must pay $2!! Bloody rip-off sia. Then plus the drop off point so damn far, have to walk so far to get into the airshow.
So when we arrive just nice the airshow start. Then I look up at the sky only see clouds here and there, no plane wat. Then the commentator say "...to your right its the..." Wah then I look up. Wah, not bad, the plane really quite close up sia. Then eh, funny, how come the wings can flap one. Orh, crow. Kaoz. Then the real plane that fly past so damn slow and small, can't see no shit.
So we stand there under the hot sun see the airplanes fly here ther everywhere la. And the commentator CMI. The plus the aerial display also not like very nice leh. They fly here and there so damn fast. Then do dunno wat 9G turn (eh, I thot handphone 3G only), 4 point turn, 8 point turn, barrel roll, somersault, shoot the stoopid birds flying all over the place etc.
Maybe its a psychological thing why we don't really appreciate planes, unlike cars. I mean, its like telling you this plane very fast, can shoot dunno what missile, very easy to control, very cheap, can fly dunno how far etc. Then tell u, "TOO BAD u can't fly it. Now finish drooling over it and f*** off." Not like car u can drive around, crash here & there, dun hold steering wheel see whether really can auto mode or not.
Unless you're a pilot la, that is.

The End is Near

Finally!!
C4I Asia is finally over. And that means I've completed the final big event for my NSF career. Career's not the right word though...
Anyway, this morning had to wake up at 5AM and go to suntec. Wah lao eh, this is the only time u see suntec empty. Then I walk can hear echo one, very scary. Then realise its rich's footsteps beside me, not echo. So being part of the working committe (read: sai kang), we gotta be there so early. Then we start going to the conference hall, must pass through metal detector first. Basket, the metal detector as lousy as the mindef one, got nothing also beep beep beep.
So policeman say "can open your bag?" Like can say no liddat.
Then he point my umbrella say "wats that?" "umbrella la" what else.
Then he see, cannot be missile or gun, ok la can go liao. Kaoz.
So we all reach the place liao then start receiving orders from cpt ben. Actually very simple la. Got wat need our help, help. kaoz. I thought they needed us to be backup speakers in case the speaker last minute lao sai (diarrhoea) cannot come.
Then ok la, while waiting for all the big shots (actually ALL are big shots) to come, we just stand there smile smile, hi hi la.
Then in the end me and rich got assigned to be door opener. People come we "good morning Sir." What's so good about the morning?? Or "May I know where's the toilet?" "Sir, think its in front, then turn left right straight right left straight left left right. Very near one."
Then basket, later during the tea break, i was guarding the door with rich. Then this korean officer came up to us, then go shake rich's hand, say nice to meet u. Lol. then he come to me, i wve la, no shake. Then basket, he say i look korean. Look like Korean middle-school student. Then go touch my arm. Eh basket, see no touch k? i not like leroy. lol. Then wat? I look like korean? Eh, I ain't eat no kimchi k? After that rich told me be careful, later like leroy liddat he go pass me some name card. lol.
Then after the tea break got some other presentations. I happened to watch one. Wah kaoz. The American presentation got video that look like Black Hawk Down + Rambo + Terminator sia. We watch liao all stun tio. Make OUR opening video look like shit. Maybe their video comission Hollywood to make, got $10 million budget one...
But Anyway, it's finally over. So I effectively finish all outstanding 'big' jobs liao. Time to go.

Final Destination

Kaoz. I going to ORD in April and yet still kana so much shit.
Just got roped in this week to be part of the biennial C4I Asia. (Or Asian Aerospace. Its close, but not the same. wth.) And when I said roped in, I really mean grab and capture type ya know.... kaoz.
Then in the end for the past few days have to stay back do all the last minute shit. Actually I not so bad liao la. Rich's worse. He kana this arrow like so long ago. Then has been slogging at it since last year liao. He's really pitiful la. But TOO BAD. Lol.
And I told Rich: We damn suay sia. We posted in same time then just nice kana the 2004 C4I Asia. Then now before we leave kana 1 more time. Like kana screwed both in the... nvm...
Like they say, what goes round comes round. (Of course la, wat type of stupid statement is this??)
But ok la. Do all this shit help me understand the SAF better. Actually the SAF is very fantastic. You can give it an assignment months before the deadline but in the end it'll still rush like mad. Then although the deadline tomorrow but still got so many things haven't do, somehow, things will turn out right on the deadline one. Dunno why.
Anyway, I very optimistic one. Not the first time I kana this type of shitty arrow. SAF officers very good at shooting arrow one, all marksman sia. So whenever kana arrow, must be optimistic, then will not be so sad, so stress.
Cos I see Rich now very stress like that. So I tell him relax, anyway this last assignment we do liao then can kiss goodbye liao. Then the next officer arrow him, he can point the finger or something.
So when we stayed back, I told him: Look on the bright side. (then he go look at the overhead lighting) We going to ORD in 2 months. So we only got 2 months left to stay back. So we must do OT while we still can mah. ORD liao wanna OT also no chance k??
Aiya, anyway this is the final arrow I get before i reach the end liao. So Bring It On man.

In the Mood for Love

Wah, whole body aching sia.
Play soccer on saturday ache until now. Then worse, sat Qinyao say soccer at 4. Then I go at 4 nobody there except 1 group of Indians playing soccer there. Then when Qinyao and Weak Boy and the other assholes finally come down at 430, he say actually he only book from 4-5 and from 6-8 cos that group of Indians book from 3-4 and 5-6. Wah kaoz, wat type of stupid booking is that?
So we offer them "Since u play until 430 liao might as well u play till 5 right? Then we take your 5-6 slot la." Basket, then they counter-propose us the stupidest proposal I ever heard. "Why dun we let you guys join in with us from 5-6, then later we join u guys from 6-8?"
Kaoz. They refuse fine. Instead come up with this kind of cock idea. I thought I was bad. They're worse.
Either they damn stupid or they think we damn stupid. So we say forget it. U get out now till 5.
Eh, pls ah, I'm not racist ah. If that was a group of chinese, I'll say they are stupid also ah.
Anyway, realised that tomorrow is Valentine's Day and as usual, I got no hot dates, not like weak boy, who has hot date with his Chinese Orchestra. LOL.
Then today office very funny. Big Boss say he wanted to send a bouquet of flowers to his wife for tomorrow. Then say must not be like last year. Cos last year he ask his secretary to prepare every the flowers then when his wife received it, say one look know the card not he write one. Then ask him who write one, he say "gotta check with the secretary". LOL.
So Big Boss say this year card must come up something original. And let him see first. Then while we discuss, got a few ideas thrown up la.
Chief Clerk: How about 'If u are the Beauty, I'm the Beast'. LOL
JJ: No. 'If u are the flower, I'm the cow dung' (translated from chinese 'yi duo xian hua cha zai niu fen shang'. Means beautiful flower kana match with shit)
Leroy: No la. 'If u are the Heavenly Swan, I'm the Toad' (translated from chinese 'lai ha ma chi tian er rou'. Means CMI toad lusting after beautiful swan)
JJ: Kaoz. No la. Just put 'Sorry. Wrong Address.'
Haiz. So much for valentine's day.

Talking Cock All Night Long

Rare enough to get to meet up with frens who already ORDed for dinner. Even rarer to get people who rarely come for these TCS (Talk Cock Sessions).
Actually yesterday's dinner was organised cos got 2 tua-pai (big-shot - Not saying they fat la, but now u mention it...) going to Australia study Uni. Actually should get the 2 of them to treat ah, basket, so rich can go aussie study. Study wat? The way they say more like go there study Winning Eleven sia. Then plus basket, as usual, they were late. Tell them 7 then come at 730. Next time tell them 6 la.
Anyway we ate at this Manhattan Fish Market la. Actually never hear the place before, but sounds interesting, never eat in fish market before mah. Then sia la, they say its at plaza sing, not manhattan... I pack bag liao leh. Ya, then turn out that the place cannot make reservation one, so we go there kana super long queue. But might as well la, cos the assholes all late. Then also turn out that place quite small, so we say we got 10 people they sia la, their place only got small table for 4. So we not only must join the queue, also must wait for those 4 tables in a row eat finish then they can arrange to form 1 big table. Make us wait until super hungry (Maybe its a tactic - hungry liao can eat more then they more $$). So we ask Tracy to go flirt with the waiter see can ask them faster or not. In the end fail. Must be she CMI or something. Then ask Leroy go try turn him on. Then sia la really work sia. The waiter is GAY!! Then later give Leroy name card some more. Kaoz.
But ok la, the food not bad, taste and look like fish & co. Maybe they buy from fish and co then serve out one la. But their dish called flaming prawn or something really flaming sia. They take the flame thrower torch the prawn until no more prawn in front of you then give you. Wah steady la, the big prawn torch until become he-bi (dried mini prawn) then give u.
After that we go TCC there drink kopi and talk cock. Then WO (Warrant) Ramsey also came join us. Wah lao eh, he join us is the next best thing liao. He from VS one, same as me, super big cock-talker sia. Maybe its the school la. (pls don't sue me) Actually talk to him very fun. He tell us alotta things we dun know. All the secrets, in his mouth become no more secret liao. Then talk cock talk until 1145 then go. Some of them still wanna go clubbing la, but i good boy dun club one. Then dunno who bring camera take until si-beh shiok. Flash here flash there. Maybe taking all the other chio-bus walking around also I dun know.
Actually Rich suggested I put such photos up on my blog. But then I dun want to lower the viewership of my blog la, so better not huh.
I not like the Weak Boy so bhb one. I very humble one.

Dude, Where's My Bus??

67 Sux!
Wah Lao, today wait for that stupid bus to go home wait so damn long. At first i go the bus stop wait, thought ok la, this hour bus should be quite fast and not so pack, then wait la. Wait a while later, sia la, ok, good things must wait, so continue waiting. Then wait some more, never mind, patience is a virtue, so wait. Then wait some more, then realise got alotta buses go past, like every single bus come and go liao, except for the stupid 67. Actually I can also take 963 la, but 963 the trip is slightly longer and more expensive. (Actually only a few cents la. But u know what u can buy with a few cents or not?? Actually I dun know la, u tell me.) So I see 1 963 go past, nvm, wait for 67. Then I see another 963 go past, then I wah lao eh, nvm, maybe 67 coming. Then I see 2 963 together come, then both so empty some more. The bus driver then open the door like mocking me like that, daring me to take the bus. The bus driver then look at me, I look at him. Then we stare like that another 963 went past, make me so du lan.
But I very loyal, wait for 67. Then I look my watch, wah, lucky not 11pm, so can't be last bus gone wat. Then see, wah, finally 67 come. But as the bus come nearer, wah kao, so damn pack. I dun care, must board this bus.
Then basket, the bus stop dun open the door. I look at the driver, he look at me. Then I smile at him, he smile at me. Then I wave him to open the door, he wave me goodbye. Then he drive off liao. I stun tio, stand there eat the bus smoke. Then as the bus went past, I see the back of the bus actually empty one, just that those assholes refuse to move in further into the bus butt. Then plus the guy blocking the way there still give me the -_- look when i O_O.
Wah kana sai, I don't wanna spend the night at the bus stop sia. Then I see, wah, luckily behind got another 67 coming. This bus I must stand in the middle of the road to make it stop no matter wat sia. Then luckily this bus not as packed as the earlier one, so the uncle never try and be funny and refuse to open the door sia.
But not so bad, I remember my fren got worse: the bus not packed, then slow down as it approach the stop where my fren flag for it. Then just before it stop, it speed up again then the driver laugh at my fren and drive off. LOL.
So ok la, this one not as guai lan, but shit, make me wait for 45 mins.

Still in the CNY Mood

Technically, it is still Chinese New Year cos the whole thing actually lasts 15 days rite (Then how come holiday only got 2??)? So there were still some 'celebrations' today. Firstly my Mum's-side relatives came over to visit then later in the evening I had to go over to my dad's-side grandma for dinner.
As usual, the food got the abalone (Very funny. So expensive yet everywhere also have. Like growing all over the place, then CNY is the harvest season, can easily pluck from the streets), then got the black colour hair (Wat issit actually? Heard that you eat liao can grow more hair. Like that then those Beijing 100001 & Yun-nan Growing Hair Centres no business liao. But I count my hair after eating like got grow 2 more strands sia.), and the mushrooms etc.
Then the dinner better still, got yu-sheng. Actually surprising that a locally-invented dish made it so big. Its actually just alotta things throw together then ta-da one. I wonder how the inventor came up with this. Maybe cos one day his restaurant no business, then he alotta leftovers then he put everything then throw away. Then as he carry the plate to throw he slipped then the whole damn thing got tossed into the air then his mouth kana those things. He eat liao, eh, after tossing and mixing like not bad sia, so decide to sell it. Must be. Put all the good things together then say its a lucky dish. That sounds so Singaporean. Throw all the best u got and something good 'should' come up. Maybe thats how we got the rojak and the singlish hor?
Anyway, i turn on the tv then suddenly got the chingay. Actually chingay stand for wat ah? Chinese-Gay show? Then the Chingay very funny. Haha. Erm, not funny. Nvm. Ya, its very weird cos I dunno wat is the chingay for. Waste alotta money for a few floats that can't really float, real idiotical costumes that no one will ever wear again and for all the conffetti all over the road then still must pay those cleaners to pick up the rubbish. Then the items on show also dunno for wat. Look more like some live advertisement for those despo for attention and rich enough to send people to perform. I saw the opening float is to welcome the dog year or something. So corny. People in dog suits jumping here there everywhere. I thought they so good later like Sadako jump out of my tv also. I see liao so xian so off liao. So to me the chingay lasted 2 mins?
Then later i heard my block downstairs also so noisy, thought, wah, the chingay from orchard to yishun, so standard. So ok la, give face for all their efforts, i clap, look out of my window and cheer. Then see, eh, how come chingay now so little liao. Only 1 old man riding some small green vehicle with one huge hose beside sucking up all the leaves on the floor. I thought, wah, special float sia, so wave and cheer. Then the old man so unappreciative give me the xianz -_- look.
Kaoz. So much for GEMS.

The Day After Tomorrow

Alotta of my friends were quite surprised i actually created my own blog. Esp people like Rich who kaopeh so much say,"Wah, got your own blog liao la. Then still haolian pass your tp test on it la." He kaopeh so much then still never read. Eh, Rich, if you happen to read this, you suck and you know it k?? Lol.
Anyway, it seems that there's still no end to the CNY clebrations huh. I just came back from some dinner my mom's frens organised. They purposely go book their condo function room. Dunno why its called a function room. I go there press this button here and there also no function. Except when the lights all go out. Then press the same button the lights come back and say "Supplies!! (Surprise)". So the function room only got 2 function la. On light off light. Damn Sad.
But anyway I came mainly for the food la. But then again CNY eat & eat & eat until xian already. Like sleep with the mouth open somehow the food also walk in. Now don't dare to weigh myself sia. Later see I stun tio. "Wah!! I put on 0.01 kg!! DIE!!! Must go run Marathon liao!!!"
Then the food see already also like that la. Fairly standard la. Got noodles, some sticky rice, some black stuff, green stuff yellow stuff. Sia la, rainbow also have. Orh, paiseh, thats the agar agar. Then eat la drink la until full. Like go this type of CNY visiting got SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) sia.
Then later eat liao damn xian, wanna talk also dunno who to talk. So i listen to the aunties talk. I listen then my mother say," Why u listen to ladies' talk? Go join the Uncle talk." But wah lao, I not lady, then also not uncle, then win liao la. So seat there stone.
Actually its good to stone. U see alotta things u never get to see. Sia la, I can see my reflection on the floor man. Wah lao, I can see my veins bob up and down. Wah, the air con blow until my hand hair flat also can stand sia.
So anyway THEY tallk until 10 like that then I go on my knees, kowtow everyone "Pls, pls, can go?? Pls PLs..." Then they finally say ok ok la... we go...
Wah i so touched I cry sia.

First & Definitely Not the Last

Hi Hi.
After reading the Weak Boy's Blog, then realised he so cmi and BHB, so decided to come up with this one. So u can say its his credit (he confirm bhb and say on his blog) that i start pouring all my crap to all the people who bother to read this.
Anyway, also let me take this opportunity to apologise to all the people who bothered to ask me about my TP driving Test today.
Well, I PASSED. Happy?? And Sorry for making all those people believe that I failed. Lol.
So now I can technically and officially drive on the road.
Anyway, this was how it went:
Woke up so damn early in the morning, not because too excited, but because my test is at 10am and its at BBDC (BBDC = Basket, Burnt Da Cash) while I live in YISHUN. Wat The Heck. My Frens ask me: u live yishun why go bbdc so far, dun know how to go SSDC?? I told them: cos when i registered at bbdc, ssdc not built yet mah. Anyway it was because u see the list of driving centres in s'pore in alphabethical order, 'b' comes first wat, so i see bbdc, register liao, dun know got such thing called ssdc. Ya, so i dragged myself to bbdc early in the morning cos 1 hr before the test got something called warm up. I thought its the BMT 5 BX or something, then turn out to be its to warm up the engine, let it run for 1hr first so when later get into accident can say cos engine overheat. So during the warm up i went driving around a bit first to test, then the instructor stun-tio me cos when he slam the dashboard i also slam the accelerator so end up going faster instead of emergency stop. Lucky my reflexes fast enough to lift the stupid leg and step the brake. The instructor thought the jerk forward because i clutch in too early. Lol. Then later finish warm up go see the testers (then those being tested called wat? Testees??) for the balloting of test routes. Then the tester gave a briefing.
"Later tester call out your name u follow him go to car ok?" Cheh, I thought call name pass already, so fast.
"Then u notice some roads the speed limit increase to 60 instead of 50, so u drive faster k? dun worry about the speed limit." Ya right. He want to fake us then 1 shot fail all. Easier mah.
"And 1 thing, bribery is criminal offence ah. So although CNY, dun offer testers ang pao ah. Heh Heh." Very funny meh? Anyway i already paid 2k for all the stupid lessons, why should i pay more?
"Lastly relax and do your best." By then I already relax so much i sleeping liao.
So i went for my test, then everything went smoothly, or so i thought. Later when I went back, my tester ask me to sit down and explain all my mistakes.
"Move too slow ah." Kaoz, play safe also not happy, later i go 140 ask him whether he happy.
"Moving off insufficient acceleration." Eh, the car sux right? Give me a sports car or something.
"Turn, never check mirror." Ok fine, when i turn left i never check right side mirror la. Fine.
"Change lane abruptly." No No (Steven Lim voice).
"Here +, there +, total 18 points. Pass." Sia la, almost fail. 20 points cannot go JC leh.
So like that pass liao la. After that the paperwork took another hour before i can go. I think they purposely wanna piss me off so i can't claim back the leftover $380 i deposited at bbdc.
Better get out of that place, like stay there longer the wallet HP (Health Points) slowly deducted sia. Anyway I dun like to drive, except maybe driving people crazy la. So dunno why i learnt driving in the first place. Maybe cos my wallet quite big, got alotta slots, so maybe must fill it with more cards man.